FEAR

“FEAR is a false experience appearing real.”

Fear is a feeling, an emotion, a response to sensing danger. It is type of anxiety that might be either low or extremely high in intensity. Fear is a protective mechanism of the body, which prevents it from doing anything that might cause it harm or be dangerous for it. It may occur in response to a situation, a stimulus that might be there in the present or in anticipation to harm in the future. When individuals experience fear they try to escape, as far as possible from that situation (fight or flight response) or they get so paralyzed by the fear that they just freeze. Fear develops either by being in a fearful situation i.e. personally experiencing the danger/ threat or by observing someone else’s fears.

It may be considered as an intense reaction on the part of the organism involving subjective feelings of unpleasantness, agitation and the desire to run away. It is one of the powerful experiences which to a certain extent contributes to safety and survival of human beings as well as the other organisms. E.g. fear of falling makes us climb the stairs carefully. A person who has been hurt by a dog will generally become hesitant and fearful of dogs. This kind of fear is natural and realistic. Phobia is an irrational fear. If someone finds himself in the state of fear, when the object is not actually presented to him is known as phobia.

Fear responses are inherited but are learnt with the experiences. Attempts should be made to remove fear in the children. They should be provided stimulating environment full of encouragement and incentives. Unnecessary fear if any should be removed by applying the techniques of reconditioning and behavior modification.

Causes of fear

ü    Danger to life

ü    Suddenness

üAnything the lowers self confidence

üThreatening of security

üHorrible faces or stories

üInability to cope with competition

ü    Dreams of dragons

ü    Danger of failure

 

How to overcome it?

Write down what is the uppermost thought in your mind. What is it that is most fearful about? Once you write down you are actually very clear about it. Sit down and take in some deep breaths, inhale to the count of four (very slow) (1.2.3.4) hold on to your breath and as you exhale [(4 breath in. 7 hold on. 8 exhale)] allow yourself to release that fear which is there in your mind.

Look at your life today. And start counting your blessings. Stop living and taking things for granted.Start writing things on the daily basis that you are grateful of. Start living in gratitude.

If still your fears are persistent learn to laugh it out. Look at your achievements. You know what you have within yourself. You know yourself better than anybody else knows you. There might have been times when you won’t really good at doing things. How would you deal with life then? What is it that you did to improve your own self? So if you could do things better earlier, you have the ability even now. Don’t allow these fears to work you up. The worst fears you have in your mind they won’t come true. It is just that we keep on making ourselves anxious and build on that stress and that fear. Allow that to drain us. Everything that we are thinking about is not going to be as bad as we are making it in this time. Things will be amazing. Believe in yourself, believe in your strengths, and work on your strengths. You have so many strengths in you. You are unique. Believe in your own uniqueness. And tell yourself that I am STRONG, BOLD and CONFIDENT. Do this on daily basis in front of the mirror. It will build you up; it will help you to see the good in yourself.

How you will do it? Stand in front of the mirror. 3 things you tell yourself.

Ø    Make a choice of         what you want in        life.

 Tell yourself ‘I       choose to be BOLD,    STRONG AND CONFIDENT’

ØYou tell yourself that you are--

‘I’m BOLD, STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL’

ØYou tell yourself that you feel--

‘I feel BOLD,STRONG AND CONFIDENT.' 

I have faith in myself. I have faith in my abilities. I choose to see the best in myself. That is going to peck you up. Stand in front of mirror and tell yourself ‘I LOVE YOU’.You are actually talking yourself up, you are boosting yourself up. You don’t need the world to do that for you. Just feel yourself up with positive thoughts and you will win over this world. Everything will come back in your command and you will be back on track.

 

LEADERSHIP

Leadership is defined as the process of influencing others to get the job done more effectively over a sustained period of time. Leaders play a critical role in influencing the work behavior of others in the system. A leader is one who not only leads a group of people but also gives them direction to follow. A person, who is able to command, has good intelligence level to give instruction to the followers to follow. A person who has the ability to make things done is an idol for many. A leader has the power to hold when you have a level of maturity and good amount of experience to give directions to people. Leaders are always at a power where they have to take decisions for a large group of people, in that case they always end up giving happiness to some and to some they end up in not making them happy.                 

 “LEADERS ARE BORN RULERS.”

Does that mean power comes to the person who takes the responsibility and has the right to dominate? Leadership has its own styles and types. Different leaders adopt different styles – some are authoritative, some are democratic and some are laissez fair leaders. There does not appear any single style of leadership that is always best, it is clear that some styles are preferred by most group members and that depending on the circumstances faced by a group. Some leaders are most likely than others to facilitate performance. But today we will talk about our present leader, who is leading a large country of different religions, diverse cultures and a large population – Mr. Narender Modi. (Prime Minister of India) and his mind set.

He is one who comes under the term as a TRASFORMATIONAL LEADER as he possesses all the qualities of a charismatic leader. He is admired and trusted by his followers. He is an inspirational motivation. He stimulates his followers to be innovative and creative by questioning existing assumptions and reframing problems in new ways. He demonstrates high level of self confidence, excellent communication skills and exciting personal style.

India is a democratic country so its leader too, follow the path of autocratic leadership style. In that he cannot make all the citizens happy.  He dictates policies and procedures, decides what goals are to be achieved, and directs and controls all activities without any meaningful participation by the subordinates. He has full control of his team, leaving low autonomy within the group.

In a bureaucratic organization, there is a high degree of division of labor and specialization. It has well defined hierarchy of authority. It follows the principle of rationality, objectivity and consistency. There is a formal interpersonal relation among the members of the organization. Interpersonal relations are based on positions and not on personalities. There are well defined methods for all types of work. Selection and promotion is bureaucratic or legal power is given importance.

 

LEADERS ROLE

A leader is responsible for the activities of his subordinates, he must lead and coordinate their activities in meeting task related goals and he must motivate to perform better. He must be an exemplary leader so that his subordinates follow his directions and guidelines with respect and dedication. Leader’s effectiveness is perhaps the most important: the ability to respond appropriately to changing conditions and switching requirements. Leaders don’t have a same kind of relations with all of their followers and often differentiate between those with whom they have close and cordial relations and other followers with whom they have more distant relations. No one is actually a leader unless they have people willing to accept influence from them. The most important quality of a leader is that of being acknowledged as such.

 

LEADER PSYCHE

Mr. Narendra Modi is a perfect example of task oriented, autocratic, great communicator, need power oriented, transformative leader.

10 leadership qualities of Prime Minister Narender Modi:

·    Visionary and think long term

·    Setting the example of a leader

·    Become a powerful network

·    Express intense enthusiasm

·    Adaptability and stay updated

·    Understanding people

·    Act confidentiality

·    Powerful public speaker

·    Be very decisive

·    Lead with courage.

 

It is rightly said;

“What you get by

Achieving your goals

Is not as important as

What you become by achieving your goals.”

THERE IS NO SHORTCUT TO HARDWORK

 

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me…you may not realize when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” Walt Disney

 

Walt Disney success story was full of painful events and failure. He wanted to make cartoon motion pictures. So in 1920 he started his own company at the age of 19, drawing cartoons from his creatures from his childhood. He had little money to pay the rent, being forced to live with friends and often going without food. He failed to send a single cartoon. At the age of 22, he went bankrupt after the brutal failure of the cartoon series in kansas city. He went bankrupt several times. He also wanted to become Hollywood actor but it never happened. He was once fired by a newspaper editor who accused him to be lazy and lacking imagination and creative ideas. Three years later he left Kansas City for Hollywood to pursue his childhood dream. He set up a converted garage, and after five years- a long time when he was without an income, he struck little success with a short animation of ‘Alice in Cartoon land’ and ‘Oswald the Rabbit’. But again in 1928 some of the cartoonists left taking Oswald with them. Disney was shattered. His success was short lived and he returned to having nowhere to live and little money for food. But his secret of success was with him. Out of the disaster he created his first Mickey Mouse character, and, suddenly, he was on the road to real success.

 

 Life is not that easy, and sometimes the result that we expect is different from the outcome of it whatever the situation might be, it is always good to take chances in everything. Remember, you will not know until you try, so don’t give up and take the risk. Whatever the odds might be, with your courage, perseverance and self confidence, things will go in your favor; you have to believe in yourself that you can do it. 

Forget other people’s opinions about you. Instead, trust yourself. Put your OPINIONS FIRST, INTERESTS FIRST, and HAPPINESS FIRST. Only then you will lead a life that inspires others. The fastest and the noblest way to effect lasting change are to lead by self example not by self sacrifice. Not caring about other people is the best choice you will ever make. Also it doesn’t matter if thousand people do not believe in you; you must have belief in yourself. In life we do not get everything easily. We have to work for it. It is only when we sail in the ship of ambition, determination, and perseverance then can anchor at the harbor of success.

People who are successful overnight by winning lottery end up in same position few years down the line, or people who achieve something without hard work end up back to square one after sometime. But the one who has worked hard day and night for years to achieve a dream, his success lasts longer because he has gone through a process which has molded him to handle and fight back any situation as his mind has been  rewired and grown in a very brilliant and unshakable way. If it takes you 10 months to build a skill, it takes 10 months to destroy that skill. So remember,

 

       NO SECRETS.

      NO SHORTCUTS.

     JUST HARDWORK.

Don’t look for shortcuts to success. Work harder than anyone else and never give up.

GRATITUDE

 Appreciation can change a day,

even change a life

willingness to put it into words

is all that is necessary. - Margaret Cousions

Gratitude is the word which comes from your heart when you feel grateful towards the other. If you want to say something never conceal your words which are confined in your heart. Be open and express them. It really makes people feel valuable. Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have; you are likely to have even more. Your body and mind will bless you for taking an extra minute to reflect on what you are grateful for-- A friend made you laugh with a text message. You are going on vacation next month. Your dog or cat likes you. Your team made the playoffs. Your family makes you feel needed. When you take a minute to remember all the good things in your life, big or small, it can pay off big time for your health.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Gratitude is a stress reliever.

When you are feeling anxious and tired, try counting your blessings. Remembering the positive things in the world around you and in your own life can help boost levels of feel good hormones serotonin and dopamine.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Gratitude is a natural pain reliever.

Those who were more grateful were less likely to report feeling aches and pains. Try it. You have nothing to lose.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Gratitude helps you sleep better.

Have you heard of a gratitude journal? The idea is that you write down a few things you are grateful for every night before going to bed. Who did this for a week said they had more restful nights. The practice helps calm your mind.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Gratitude makes you happier.

When you focus on what you have instead of what you didn’t, you are less likely to be depressed. Gratitude keeps you focused on the present, Instead of worrying what might be.

 

AUTHOR GRATITUDE NOTE

 I bid adieu to this year with gratitude and love for each one of you. This year was full of challenges for me and my family but that too has brought many changes in my life. I started with Psychotalks online services and blog during the pandemic. I know how much love and appreciation you guys have poured. And this is what life is all about. Challenges give you growth and make us more strong and mature.

 People complain about the year being stagnant, for many due to the pandemic, their work has suffered, and that they are unhappy. Why don’t they think the other way round? Be happy that you are safe and protected in your home and with your loved ones. You are peaceful and healthy with good food and shelter. You enjoy being in air conditioners in summers and have blankets to cover in winters. 

When lockdown stared everyone was so happy that they got holidays and are working from home. Each passing day became difficult for people to stay in their homes. Not only they were frustrated mentally but also started having personal issues and fights between couples. Children too are suffering with their studies, time to play and being with peers are affected but somehow they were also attached with their parents. Now they are having all the time of their parents.

Why don’t you end your year with gratitude, instead of cribbing for all the things which did not happen the way you wanted or you had imagined. May be 2021 brings that for you with more happiness.  You end your year with gratitude, love, acceptance, happiness, wisdom and with no negative thoughts and feelings. 2021 will open arms for you with more positive energy. And that is what life is all about. When you close a chapter with happiness and acceptance things will automatically happen to you in your favor.

I feel gratitude towards you all. During pandemic I started my digital journey. Many of you recognized me and loved my work. I started writing my blog which I was not knowing will be appreciated and loved by you all. Hope my digital family grows more in 2021. My motive for helping and serving you all will always be my priority and my soul purpose. Hope in 2021 it will expand with improvement.

So if we see as a whole, the journey of 2020 was not only difficult but also challenging. Each generation was packed with certain type of challenges, but we all have changed and understood and somehow adapted ourselves to the environment. This showed the flexibility we all have to handle our lives. Wasn’t it beautiful we got break from our so called lives in which we were living we were not happy too. We actually got the chance to live the life we used to think. People sayings - 'काश लाइफ ऐसी  होती , काश मेरी ज़िन्दगी  तुम्हारी जैसी होती' are now saying -  ' वही  लाइफ सही थी ' . There is no life now ‘यह कोई ज़िंदगी  है.’ moral – we are never satisfied. Same goes with the wishes too, ' एक इच्छा  पूरी होगी तो दूसरी इच्छा उत्पन होगी  '. This is what life is. We all run for materialistic things and objects to live happily and that will never end.  'जो है उस में खुशी ढूंडो'  - and start loving yourself. When you start living with the satisfaction of what you have instead of what others have and what you don’t have you will never be happy. Make a resolution of thanking life for what you have and see how happy you will be.

 

WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR.

I THANK YOU 2020 GRATITUDE AND WELCOME 2021 WITH OPEN ARMS. EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU ALL HAVE STORED FOR ME.

 

LOVE

RAMA BILLA.

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR – Attitude Towards Others.

 

Aggression, Frustration, Confusion, Depression, Possession

Dance it off and trust me you going to feel like new you, 
and it will going to take away your pain!

 Aggression is when actions that intentionally inflict harm on others. Human aggression stems from many different factors. Input variable relating to the situation or person influence cognition, affect and arousal, and these internal states plus other factors, such as appraisal and decision mechanism, determine whether and in what form, aggression occurs. Any response made with the intent of harming some person or object.  Anger represents one of the unpleasant or negative emotions that are learnt by the child during the course of his normal growth and development. Whenever an individual’s freedom is restrained or something happens against his wishes, he may get irritated or angry.

Aggression is an impulsive, irrational behavior wherein an individual wants to intentionally harm another person either physically or mentally. When the environment is unfavorable, unfriendly, unpleasant people might feel low, sad, frustrated, unhappy, and grumpy and further this might lead to aggression.

 CAUSES

Ø   Frustration
Ø   Physical weakness or bodily restraints.
Ø   Unfulfilment of the needs.
Ø   Any interference with the movement of the children.
Ø   When one’s self esteem is hurt.
Ø   Illness
Ø   Hunger
Ø   Constant fault finding
Ø   Blocking of activities already in progress.
Ø   Interference or attack on the wishes, plans, desires, and purpose.
Ø   Fatigue and restlessness.
Ø   When the goal is too high to achieve.
Ø   Exposure to media violence – movies , news , television or video games
Ø   Bullying
Ø   Workplace politics/ abusive supervisor

 WHY AGGRESSION HAPPENS?

Aggression happens because people have this strong desire to vent out those feelings. They think that by releasing those emotions they will feel better, so either they hit or beat people or say hurtful things to make others feel low.

 PREVENTION AND CONTROL OF AGGRESSION

 In most societies throughout the world, punishment - is a major technique for reducing aggression. People who engage in such behavior receive large fines, are put in prison, but in some locations, extreme cases of violence, such as murder may result in capital punishment – legal execution of the convicted criminals.

 Self regulation is our capacity to regulate many aspects of our behavior.Including aggression. For e.g. living together in human society often requires restraining aggressive behavior. Lashing out at others in response to every provocation is definitely not adaptive and can greatly disrupt social life. For this reason, it is clear that we possess effective internal mechanisms for restraining anger and overt aggression. One way in which individuals self regulate their behavior so as to avoid aggression involves thinking prosocial thoughts – thinking about helping others and caring for them. One effective means of reducing human aggression- perhaps an effective one- is strengthen the internal mechanisms that usually operate to control such behavior.

 Forgiveness is giving up the desire to punish someone who has hurt us and seeking, instead to act in kind, helpful ways towards them – may be highly beneficial in many ways including the reduction of subsequent aggression.  Benefits of forgiveness are stronger for relationships to which individuals are strongly committed than for ones to which they are less committed. The closer we are to someone who offends us, the more beneficial it is to forgive them.

 WHY DO SO MANY SOCIETIES PUNISH AGGRESSIVE ACTS?

ü    Individuals who engage acts of aggression viewed as be inappropriate in their societies deserved to be punished.

ü    Reason for punishing people who commit aggressive actions is to deter them from engaging in such behavior in the future.

 Is aggression a mental illness?

It is not. However, aggression often results in behavioral issues. Aggression can co- exists with mental illness. Over time, stress from untreated intense aggression can cause a lot of wear and tear on someone, psychologically and physically. Somebody could be more aggressive or calm depending upon his genes also; it can be caused by many different aspect of the psychic of the person besides being a problem mentally.

 It is an emotionally influenced response to a situation. It is a function of limbic system and is a response to real or imagined threats of the mind and environment. It is mainly regulated by amygdale function as aggression is an outward showing of increased amygdaloidal activity and lessening of activity in the prefrontal cortex, involved with facilities of reasoning and decision making.

  Does your child get angry?

Everything that’s violent is aggressive, but everything that’s aggressive might not be violent. Violent media has a long lasting impact on all minds, hence it increases aggression. Children exposed to violent games, serials, movies grow up with a lot of aggression. Young kids show their aggression in the form of hitting, biting, and screaming. If these kids aren’t taken care of and guided well at a younger age, they grow up become even more aggressive and controlling them becomes a problem for their care givers and all those who come in contact with them.

When children feel angry, don’t tell them to be angry it’s not possible for them to stop feel angry.

 Don’t tell them “you are getting angry for small thing”. For them it’s a big thing.

Don’t lose your own calm. It’s not going to help you it’ll only aggravate.

What can you do? Say them - I can see how angry you are or how upset this situation has made you it happens and I am there with you. Make them feel secure. Let the anger pass.

HOW TO GET YOURSELF MOTIVATED

             

The word motivation means to move, to energize or to activate. The process of motivation encourages people to achieve heights. This word has such powerful strength that it brings a certain amount of positivity and courage in a person that makes them do wonders. It brings the power of happiness, pride and willingness to shine. Motivation is the answer to ‘why’ of behavior. If you see a person running, you wonder whether he is in a hurry to get away from something behind or to get to something ahead. It refers to the internal processes that can’t be directly observed. It is an energizer or activator i.e. it helps in arousing a person to perform. A motivated athlete, generally, has a better chance to win than an unmotivated one. A person may seem to be a great athlete because of the body structure, but to be one he has to have motivation which may activate him to be an athlete. It gives focus to the behavior so that appropriate goals are reached.
 When one is hungry, the person needs food. Here, motivation is food for the athlete.
 It is always goal oriented and goal achiever. Restlessness persists in a behavior of a person until the goal is not achieved.  It exhibits itself in different ways till the want is fulfilled.

Motives are general mind states that enable us to make predictions about behavior in many different situations.

HUMAN MOTIVES differ from culture to culture and also from person to person within the same culture, because motives develop as a result of experience. They are expressed through learned behavior. Often, similar motives find expression through different form of behavior example- dislike for someone may be expressed in one person by aggression and in some by ignorance. The same pattern of behavior expresses different motives. Two women may go to church one to pray and the other one to show her clothes. Motives may not always be plainly evident and readily identifiable; some motives are expressed in a disguised form. A single act of behavior may express the variety of motives. Thus, a soldier may be motivated in the performance of his duty according to the orders of his superior – to fight for self defense, to express hostility, to defend country etc.

GET MOTIVATED

People might be great at solving problems, but all their skills are of no use if they are not motivated. Some people give up easily when they encounter a problem or failure in implementing the first step. Therefore there is a need to persist in their effort to find a solution.

REVIEW ON LONELINESS, SYMPTOMS AND SOLUTIONS TO FIX IT.

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF IS GOOD
BUT OUTRANGING ANYONE
IS NOT GOOD AT ALL.
ONE IS BORN TO LIVE A LIFE
NOT TO SUFFER.

 

Loneliness is an unpleasant experience – of pain and fear.

It is described as social isolation. A state of distress or discomfort.

Symptoms of being lonely –

ü  Less happy, less satisfied

ü  More pessimistic, more depressed

ü  Tense , restless and bored

ü  Feeling of rejection

ü  Unhappiness

ü  Shy, less willing to take social risks.

ü  want to be alone all the time

ü  avoid interaction with people

ü  always feeling sad

ü  Depressed in some cases.

 

WHY THIS FEELING COMES OUT?

A person who is traumatized, his approach to life and people becomes different. Instead of encouraging the affected person, people become negative towards him and demotivate him all the time. The feeling becomes so intense that the patient finds normal things very irritating and irrelevant.

The feeling of unwantedness and of uselessness becomes intense. No one sees the suffering of the patient. The negative approach does not occur on its own, it has something related and connected to the past life he has gone through or may be still suffering. It becomes so much hard for that person to take it and wants to quit the life. There are high chances that the patient is suffering from depression or having suicidal thoughts.

Sometimes you never know that a person is lonely and is suffering so much within him as you always find him happy and playing around or working with passion. People can be alone without being lonely, or lonely in a crowd. The experience of loneliness is unpleasant and distressing.

Most common are changes in the person’s actual social relations that lead to relationships falling below the optimum level. The ending of the close relationship through death, divorce or breakup often leads to loneliness. Another example of loneliness is--  Physical separation from loved ones as when children leave home to go to college or when a family moves to a new community.

 

HOW TO FIX IT

Join a class – Whether it’s an art class, an exercise class, or a class at your local community college, joining a class automatically exposes you to a group of people who share at least one of your interests.

Get a pet – Pets, especially dogs and cats, offer so many benefits, and preventing loneliness is one of them. It can connect you with other people – walking a dog opens you up to a community of other dog walkers, and a cute dog on a leash tends to be a people magnet. Pets provide unconditional love, which can be great solution for loneliness.

Volunteer – becoming a volunteer for a cause you believe in can provide a same benefits as taking a class – meeting others, being part of a group, creating new experiences – and also brings a benefit of altruism, and can help you find more meaning in your life, both of which can bring greater happiness and life satisfaction, as well as decrease loneliness.

See a therapist - Research found people experience loneliness tend to feel more lonely than others when with other people, meaning that even when they are with other people, lonely people tend to keep their loneliness to a degree. Because of this, sometimes just “getting out there” and meeting other people isn’t enough. If this is the case for you, it may be a good idea to seek psychotherapy to help deal with feelings of loneliness, especially if you also feel symptoms of depression, such as loss of enjoyment doing things you used to enjoy. Cognitive behavioral therapy, can help you not only experience less loneliness but do more in your life to prevent loneliness, know that you are truly not alone, and there are many things you can do to feel more connected.

 

Being lonely is not a disorder, but if persists for long period becomes a problem for our mental well being. Its better to fix it on time rather than hold it for rest of your life. Life is a roller coster ride , you will experience many emotions but the best one is being happy. Try to mantain it and handle yourself with care.